Sexual communication isn’t just about speaking up when something is uncomfortable: it’s about being able to talk to your partner about what you like. Making your partner guess what you’d enjoy can be frustrating to him or her, but if asked in the right way the request can be sexy for both of you: a win-win situation. Once again: it may be awkward the first time, but most people find it gets easier very quickly.
A Sense of Humor Keeps Everything in Perspective
I’m not talking about making fun of your partner or anything concerning them, but rather of keeping a sense of humor about sex in general. In a situation that feels a little bit awkward or tense, acknowledging the situation in a funny way can help both of you relax and go back to enjoying the sex.
Anticipation is Sexy
Looking forward to something increases the enjoyment of it when it actually happens, and in the case of sex keeps you thinking about sex until it happens.
A sexy phone call to your partner doing the day, a sexy note, going to a dance club and teasing them on the dance floor, or anything else that reminds your partner of what they’ll get to enjoy later on that night, can all be good things.
Self-Confidence is Even Sexier
Self-confidence is one of the sexiest characteristics you can bring to sex: if you know your partner wants to be with you, and that he or she considers sex with you to be a treat, then you might as well act like it.
To me, this means a few extra things:
- Hot talk is almost always appreciated.
- Don’t put yourself down: no flaw you could perceive in yourself or your body is likely to be as unattractive to your partner as you putting yourself down for it.
What There is to Choose From
There’s no shortage of sexual acts for you and your partner to choose from: the following will only cover the most popular ones, starting with “touchless sex” (stuff that’s sexual but which doesn’t involve actual contact), continuing with “outercourse” (sex that doesn’t involve penetration) and “intercourse” (sex that does involve penetration), and concluding with “everything else” (role playing, BDSM, and more).
Although I can imagine “touchless” forms of sex being good for partners in long-distance relationships, or for people who have extreme concerns about STDs that cannot be addressed in any other way, or for people who are forgoing sexual contact for a period of time for personal or religious reasons, I can’t help but mention one other possible use for it: extreme teasing. Basically, if you’re accustomed to having intercourse with your partner on a regular basis, then after a few weeks of being continually teased, and coming so close to being touched (but not quite), you’d probably be pretty much ready to explode.
Anyway, here are just a few possibilities:
- You call each other on the phone, and masturbate while talking about what you’d like to do to each other.
- You write each other letters telling each other in graphic detail what you’d like to do to each other, maybe setting a specific date in the future to live that out.
- If you’re female, using a vibrator (possibly through your clothes if you don’t even want your partner to see you naked yet) while your partner lies very close but doesn’t get to touch you.
- Getting very close to your partner, as if you were going to kiss their neck or go down on them, and murmur nasty things to them without actually touching them (this can be pretty cruel, particularly if the recipient loves oral sex but has gone without it for a while).