Do guys actually expect girls to have ideal bodies, as the ones they see on TV, movies, magazines or porn? I’m a bit scared to do anything with my boyfriend, because I have stretch marks, pimples, body fat here and there, my boobs aren’t nice to see… And I fear that it would turn him off. What do you think?”
“OK I really like this guy but I’m afraid to get sexual with him because he has a really sexy body and I don’t. I’m a size 10 not 2 and I have stretch marks on my boobs and occasionally on other parts of my body. I’m worried he’ll be turned off by my body 😔. I don’t know how to feel more confident. I try but I just feel like he’s too good for me.”
“I’m about to get intimate with my boyfriend for the first time, but I have light stretch marks on my sides and I have big not-perky boobs – do you think that he’ll not want to have sex with me? I’m not a virgin, but it’s been so long that you can basically consider me one!”
Trust me, guys aren’t stupid and not that different to girls. They obviously understand that normal girls just look, well, normal. They know girls’ bodies don’t resemble any ‘ideal’ figure any more than guys’ bodies do. After all, they have bodies too! It’s like how we all know what real high-schoolers look like, even though in films they’re all played by beautiful 25-year-olds.
And I don’t mean they ‘know’ this is in a begrudging ugh-I-guess-I’ll-have-to-deal-with-it way. I mean they know it in a yes-but-I’m-genuinely-attracted-to-actual-women way.
If you look around at real people in relationships, you’ll notice that they’re actually a normal-looking bunch. It’s not like all your friends’ parents are outrageously hot, for example, while everyone with a birthmark or blemish or wobbly bit of anatomy has been cast into the wilderness of Neverending Singledom. I’m sure you’re more beautiful than you realise, but you know what? Even if you aren’t, the world is literally full of average-looking (and way below-average looking!) people having sex, and great sex, with people that genuinely find them super-hot!
If you think about the guys you’ve liked, are they always the prettiest, most-ripped guy you know? Of course they aren’t. And do you spend the whole time going “ughhhh if only they were better looking!” Probably not, because basically once you have feelings for someone, they become wildly and inexplicably attractive.
If anything you tend to find all the little oddities about their body endearing and cute. (This is even more noticeable when your friend starts dating this really regular-looking guy but totally can’t keep her hands off him, and it’s like, huh, I guess that’s a thing then?)
I’m sure there are a few boys are who are very particular about bodies. But in general, it seems to be more of an abstract stream of objectifying crap “yeah big boobs bro yeah bro gotta love them tits!” as opposed than something that applies to actual partners – or at least they’re preferences which evaporate away the moment it looks like actual physical contact is in the table.
Cos it’s always fuckboys who are like:
them: ‘hey girl wanna come over here and sit on my dick?’
you: ‘actually i’m alright thanks’
them: ‘whatever girl u fat anyway’
I STRONGLY suspect the guys who proclaim to be choosiest about physical things are actually the most unbearably thirsty and would swipe right on a jar of pate with a smiley face drawn on. A bit like slut-shaming, it feels more like a set of ideas men use to intimidate women who are doing something they don’t like, rather than something they actually don’t like.
Stretch marks, non-perky boobs and pimples… these are all totally unexceptional body things. You think your boyfriend has nothing but perfectly tan, smooth skin and toned muscles under his shirt? Or do you think it’s probably, you know, just a regular body? Can you imagine anything so gross you’d have to be like “welp gonna stop doing sex stuff now”? Do you have anything comparable? Yeah, i thought not.